I stood in the shower until the water ran cold;
It stole my breath but I felt alright.
I've never been so jealous;
But that washed right off, down into the drain.
-----------------------------------
I'd rather waste my life pretending;
Than to forget you for one whole minute.
Saturday, April twenty-sixth, 2008.
It doesn't hurt much to miss you, anymore;
Instead I wonder if you're missing me, too.
-------------------------------
I'm stuck here, waiting for you to draw, and then discard.
But I didn't notice the cards were dealt for solitaire.
Sunday, April twentieth, 2008.
Each morning I count my ribs; twenty-four, they're all there.
But still, my chest feels empty somehow; I think something's missing.
-------------------------------
I know I promised that I wouldn't wait for you;
But when you left, I began counting the seconds.
You know, I'm still counting...
-------------------------------
Each morning I count my ribs; twenty-four, they're all there.
But still, I sense my torso's hollow; surely something's missing.
Wednesday, April ninth, 2008.
It was torture seeing your eyes that shade;
Not melancholy, not dejection - no; just misery.
I whispered everything I’d never said to you;
Existences of despairs only you deserved to know.
I watched your eyes lose their butterscotch electricity;
And I begged my heart to deliver just a single final heartbeat.
-------------------------------
It’s not that I don’t want to live without you;
It’s just that I can’t.
Sunday, April sixth, 2008.
Today I laid in the sun.
The heat was hot;
You’re all I thought about.
The silence was sobering;
I realized how much I miss your provocation.
-------------------------
Get me high just one more time.
The electrifying combination of ecstacy and dementia;
It’s lunacy at it’s best.
I’d give anything for your inebriation;
I promise I’ll quit after I’ve had you just once more.
-------------------------
I just want a delirium to call my own.
Monday, March seventeenth, 2008.
I’m inhaling Xs, I’m exhaling Js;
It certainly hurts to breathe.
Asphyxiation never felt so right.
-----------------------------------
I know I mean nothing to you, now;
And, I know I never will, again.
But you don’t know how satisfying it would be, today;
To know how you felt, then.
Friday, March seventh, 2008.
Things were disappearing in my neighborhood;
Once again, somebody was up to no good -
I saw that you were wanted;
But not like I wanted you.
That's when I knew I had to be with you;
And that's when I knew if I didn't, I'd be through -
To end my grief I'd have to catch a thief;
Your love is my relief, my love is your release.
I'll take a life of crime - all to make you mine.
Thursday, March sixth, 2008.
I don't miss your famous smile;
Or the way you tied your shoes -
I don't miss your messed up hair;
Or how you'd break bad news.
I don't miss your nervous voice;
Or the way you would slam doors -
I don't miss your lame excuses;
Or the way my heart was yours.
Saturday, February second, 2008.
I burned everything.
Your words;
Your ink;
Your memory;
We burned together; and it felt so right.
-----------------------
I've never had such a fever.
Tuesday, January twenty-ninth, 2008.
Dear A. Nonymous,
You're leaving me tomorrow;
You've been away for years, I know.
But you've always been here with me.
Say goodbye to everyone else, first;
Make sure there's not a thing left to say.
And do just one thing for me, even in game, or as an afterthought;
(Something that would have meant everything to me when you were with me;)
Secure my gaze, feel my heartbeat, and call me by your name.
------------------------
I thought it would be miserable to live knowing you haven't forgiven me;
But I hadn't yet thought of dying under the same circumstances.
You wouldn't let me die like that, would you?
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